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"Mean adjectives" is what I call them. We've talked to her from very early on about "feelings." We've asked her how she feels when we tell her she's our "baby girl" or she's “very smart" or "how pretty” she looks, etc. She has replied positively. She says she feels good, or happy, or something like that. When she's had a new "adjective" (mean or not) that she's heard, she has always shared it with us. We don't react. We just ask her "Samantha, what does that mean?" Usually she can tell us and we take it from there. If she can't explain it well, we explain it to her and then we discuss its meaning as well. Then we talk "feelings." We simply ask her, "Would you be happy if Mommy or Daddy called you "blah blah blah" or how would you feel if your friend said Mommy and Daddy are "blank blank blank" to you (using her new "adjective”)? At that point we can tell her, with her own buy in, that this is not acceptable language and mostly because people’s feelings get hurt. We never want to hurt other people’s feelings because feelings don't have tears, they only hurt inside and no one can see them, and that's even sadder. This has worked so far...but then again, she's only 7. We'll see in a couple of years what happens. Right? But for now, this has been our norm, and we've been ok with it thus far. |
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I have a response to the Question of the Month, which was very appropriate for our family because we are just beginning to realize how important this is. My answer is a bit simple, and maybe a little naive since my oldest son is only 2 1/2 so I am sure I have years of this ahead of me but what we have started doing at home has been working so far. My son started saying "damn it" recently, which probably came from a combination of watching the Simpson’s, my father who says it quite often, and (I have to admit) my husband and myself. First we had to get over laughing every time he said it, because we just couldn't believe what we were hearing... But then, what we started doing was just repeat the tamer version "darn it" immediately after he said it. We didn't make a bit deal out of it, we didn't scold or give him a dirty look, just said it and kept on doing what we were doing. Little by little the tamer version has replaced the not-so-tame version. I imagine that kids love our reaction and that is why they keep saying the inappropriate words. I read somewhere that if you find silly combinations of words, maybe something that sounds like Dr. Seuss, like "Ziffer-Zaffer" and consistently repeat them after offensive words or names, in the same way without reaction, the kids might pick those up instead. That's my plan anyway, I'm crossing my fingers that it works. |
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Like most “unfavorable” behavior, if you don't make a big deal about it, children won't feel encouraged to continue it. It's always good to explain what type of language is used in your family and what language is not acceptable. It also helps to model good behavior as well! |
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We get a lot of this from my five year old, mostly stuff he's learned at school and from DVD's. My suggestions to deal with it are: |
1) Be a role model - if you don't want to hear him say it, don't say it yourself. It's so hard, though, because sometimes a four-letter word is just so appropriate for the situation.
2) Monitor what he watches on TV/DVD - my son only watches Noggin and PBS, so I'm not worried about what he hears there (except for Wubbzy saying "That's so boring!"). But some of his DVD's are rated PG and he'll repeat what he's heard, not really understanding whether it's good or bad. If I don't like what he says, I just tell him, "We don't say that in our family."
3) Suggest good ways to vent frustration with words - when he loses a game or gets upset about something, we use words like "nuts" and "rats," or words Sam has made up like "ratsadilly funkadilly". Then it becomes a release of frustration and funny at the same time!